doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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