champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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