You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
