I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We had to coat check the pizza.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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