This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
