I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
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