you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
