I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
