From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
