So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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