Only a mothe r could love this liver
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
