I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Operation Purity has been aborted
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
