I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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