No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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