Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
