Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
