I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
