I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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