She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
