i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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