Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
