when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
