Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
