you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
