i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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