there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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