Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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