somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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