there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
