Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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