Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
