If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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