There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
how does that bad decision feel?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
