Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
