I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
