i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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