hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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