Don't you send me to vm
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
