does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
