Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
