I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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