I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
