you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
