Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
