If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
