i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
