So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
