A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
