Farmville is her only friend.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
