Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
