already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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