Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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